My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
