If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
