Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
