Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
