Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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