i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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