I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
