his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
