Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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