Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
