He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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