I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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