Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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