I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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