the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I think your dad took our porno
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
