if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
