please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
