JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
