Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
