if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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