Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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