I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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