He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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