woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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