jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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