Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
