I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
