It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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