i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
