I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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