Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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