new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
