I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
