No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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