I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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