Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
