my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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