FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
