I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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