I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
