Fine. I'll sleep in my office
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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