so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
