I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
