I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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