I could make wine with my vomit
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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