If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
