Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
