porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
