Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
