He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
