He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
