his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
