is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
