yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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