the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
